Tuesday, September 13, 2005


The Frosh week binge drinking never gets old, and why should it? Every year, a new batch of innocent students are eagerly awaiting their turn to experience drunken debauchery. It will never end. Someone is always turning eighteen, someone is always entering into college, and someone is always looking for free sex.

Alcohol is entertaining; it's social, and it's something to do. It can make you bolder and more excited, but the main thing about it is that you can escape from yourself for a little while. You can skirt some responsibilities. It's like a dream... you can do whatever you want in a dream. And haven't we all thought of what we would do if there were only three days left before the world would be completely obliterated? What is the excitement in that? It's the fact that you could do whatever the hell you want without consequence. Sure, we all have that spot in our hearts where we store empathy, but we all, just the same, have that tiny spot in us where we want to do whatever we want, regardless of rules or regardless of what certain people would think or do. It's kind of funny - we always have this constant battle with ourselves. And, honestly now, we actually do need a balance of the two. We have to do things for ourselves, but we equally must take other people into consideration. For many of us, we like doing both, so we just have to make sure it is balanced properly.

On other note (this relates little to my previous paragraphs), I sometimes feel as if I am not being fair to others. I know I am a supportive friend, but I also know that I can be insensitive without really knowing. As Amanda points out, I sometimes just walk away without saying goodbye or anything. Or sometimes I do not realize the importance of a specific phone call or a specific way someone said something. It is not just with my friends - I think it is in general. It is really important for me to make someone else happy; that's what makes me the happiest. What is better than be surrounded by happy and satisfied people? I do not want my actions to take a negative toll on someone else's life. If I am bringing you down, then there is something wrong in our entire relationship equation.

I can be very sarcastic and dry, and over-emotional and whiny people can drive me up the wall. The thing is, I am an emotional person myself, and I have many feelings and thoughts; I just don't let them overrule my life. That can be dangerous.

Nevertheless, I am really attracted to those who speak their mind and say what and how they are feeling. There is quite an obvious line, however, between the ones who say how they feel and act accordingly, rather than those who just whine and whine and bring you down with them. You just have to be around people who bring you up, not down, and you in turn will do the same. That's what I always look for in any kind of relationship -- someone who can challenge me and will keep me on my toes. These are the kind of people who make life interesting; the ones who can not only make me think but who can also make me dream.

In general, I am not a very touchy-feely person, and I do not like that much public affection. It is only when you enter my inner shell that I can't stop touching you. Or, wait... maybe that's just the Beans. Anyway, my outer shell is dead easy to break; it is the inner shell that requires a little more time and work or perhaps just some really good red wine. Oh, but who really knows. Only once that inside shell is shattered... only then will I become the one who can't stop slapping, caressing, or simply touching you!

Now for the usual unrelated-end-of-blog-entry kicker: I invite you all to download songs from Aretha Franklin's Queen of Soul collection.

1 comment:

The Lover said...

You have a good heart. Love comes differently to all of us and we all have equally different responses to it. What really matters is that we can feel, we can love.

Keep loving and keep living, these are the things that make us human.