Monday, August 22, 2005

Strip Club Adventures

The evening started off on a very good foot, considering that Colleen was later arriving to Alanna's than I was. At around ten to eight, the three of us clambered into the car with the airport as our destination.

We decided to wait for Andrea right by the escalator, so Andrea wouldn't be able to see us right away. It was a weird arrival. She just turned around the corner, and there we were. She actually found us when we were supposed to find her. We then told her that we had a surprise for her. This made her giddy.

The four of us then drove to the Rideau Centre to pick up Robyn. I should mention now that this Robyn is a girl, and the Robyn in my previous entry is a guy. She gets into the car, Colleen gives her a birthday gift, and then we are off.

Andrea had earlier requested that we stop at Bubblicity, so we did just that. I had a frothy, chocolate yumminess, whilst everyone else chose fruity drinks. Andrea was the only one who had tapioca pearls in her drink. They were yummy. We were all in good spirits, but Andrea was bouncing off the walls. She had so much energy; I guess that's what a four hour and thirteen minute aeroplane ride does to you.

Her energy was slightly contagious, so even Alanna became a bit more bouncy. Unfortunately, this wasn't a good thing. Alanna sat up in the booth and announced:

"Woo, I can't wait to see the naked men!"

Colleen, Robyn, and I look at her, very puzzled. This was supposed to be a surprise for Andrea. Was Alanna trying the obviously-we-are-not-going-there-since-I-mentioned-it-outloud tactic?

Andrea's eyes widened. "A strip club!!!" she says excitedly.

Alanna slaps her forehead, realizing her mistake. "Oh, shit..."

After a few "Alanna! It was supposed to be a secret!", we decided to take our leave. Some of us had trouble walking. Alanna, Colleen, and Robyn were all wearing some sort of Stilletos, so they kept on tripping over their feet.

At around eleven pm, we were en route to the male strip club, Hot Shots. I was all proud that I knew where I was going. It wasn't until that I hit Maisonneuve street and that it turned into a highway that I completely lost all sense of direction.

The girls panicked with various shrieks of "ahhhh" and "where the hell are we going?" I was a bit thrown off, so I was not looking at the highway signs. I finally got off at the first exit, in purpose of turning around. It appeared that I had left my brain at home because I hopped right back on the highway, going the exact same way I was going before, when all I wanted to do was turn around.

"Miranda, what's going on!"

So, at last, I get off at another exit and successfully turn around. We finally made it back to somewhere we recognized. How on earth were we supposed to get on Maisonneuve without going on the highway? We were all stumped.

"Let's phone Alex!" suggests Alanna brightly.

"Don't you dare", I say menacingly. I did not exactly have the best track record in terms of navigation. Tonight was supposed to be my chance to prove myself, that I didn't always get lost. There was no way that I would tell him I was lost. Oh, and honestly now, it was not my fault; the road turned into a highway when there was no indication that it would.

"Come on, Miranda, he'll know where to go", presses Alanna, "besides, we can pretend that we took a car separately from you and that just we're lost."

"Until Alex hears Miranda's laugh, and he'll be like 'what's that?'" adds Andrea.

"We can tell him that we took her Mom along," suggests Alanna. Robyn laughs.

"Hey," says Alanna, "I bet Miranda's Mom would love to come."

"She'd just find the whole thing hilarious", I say.

Anyway, finally we realize what way to go (in between Alanna's observation, "look, that sign says to Aylmer; we can go there and tell Alex we were lost!").

We all shriek of glee when we get to Hot Shots. After paying our cover charge, we eagerly go into the club, our minds filled with nothing but hot, naked, lubed up men. There are girls on the stage right now, doing some girl-on-girl action. There are fully clothed males lying on their backs on the stage. We wonder why.

Are they dead? Passed out? Are they sleeping? Weird.

The five of us slide into a booth and order drinks. The large room is filled, naturally, with scantily clad girls and completely naked girls.

Now, where are the yummy dudes?

We ask the waitress about the guys, and she says that they recently stopped having male strippers!

Hot Shots is no longer Hot Shots; the entire strip club is solely Pigale now, the female strip club. We are disappointed, but since girl strippers was our back-up plan anyway, we decide to stay.
I enjoyed watching these girls and critiquing their dance moves and bodies. We had quite a good time. Alanna says that the bum shakes were a "bit much" for her, even though she did enjoy the sliding down the pole movement. We scoffed at some of the outfits, and we were scared of the bathroom.

Oh, yes. There was also the "Champagne Room". I was all pumped to go into the "Champagne Room", but no one else wanted to go with me. It sounds so elegant, don't you think?

As a one o'clock in the morning snack, poutine at the Elgin Street Diner was had. Actually, Colleen, Alanna, Andrea, and Robyn all had poutine, but I ate their famous peanut butter and jelly and banana sandwich with a hot chocolate. I do believe the waiter laughed at me. I do believe I told him to shove it.

I was still fairly awake when I had dropped Alanna and Colleen off at Alanna's place. So, I did the only thing there was to do: I stayed up until five thirty. Amanda remarked that I looked particularly dead the following day at work. Her description was not far off.

Does anyone know of any male strip/male exotic dancers clubs in the Ottawa/Gatineau area?


Effovex said...

I figured you might be interested in knowing that the 281 will have male strippers at the Granada in Sherbrooke on September 6th.

Anonymous said...

This is Alanna:

So, the strip club wasn't a complete success but at least we had 'some' fun (except for all the dirty men and naked vaginas).

I did get to yell profanity from a moving vehicle...:D

Zaza said...


Indeed I am interested in knowing.
Thanks for the info; the Granada it is!